Collecting Dust

Amusing Quotes From Class:

Suman (Teacher): What would be appropriate video to show for younger learners?

Rachel: Cartoons?

Suman: Good. Cartoons. What’s something that wouldn’t be appropriate for younger learners?

Classroom silent for a couple moments...

Dave: Porno?

Suman: Ummm… good… and at what age would porno be appropriate in the classroom?

Dave: Uhh… 9? 10?





Setting: Suman is leading a “warmer” exercise to get the students moving about in the classroom. He tells us, the students, to line ourselves up in order of height, birth month and then begins to make us choose the variable.

Suman: Okay, Craig, what should we line up by?

Craig: Umm… how about by how many beers we had last night?

…Further on in the lesson…

Suman: There are some things that would be inappropriate to have Thai kids do this exercise by. Can you guess what some of these things are?

Tom: Hair color?

Suman: Well, sure, I suppose, but I bet it would be pretty easy since every single Thai kid’s hair is black. How about another?

James: Father’s monthly income?

Suman: There we go, totally inappropriate. But there are some other, more subtle variables, that we might not find offensive that Thais do… can anyone think of anything else?

Kenny: Number of sexual partners?

Suman: I was thinking more along the lines of skin color, but, yes, I suppose that would be even more inappropriate.





Setting: Mike is teaching an adult simulated lesson in which he teaches all of the “lower frequency” words before we read a small short story. He teaches us the word “suicide” then shows us a spectrum on the board, one end labeled happy, the other labeled sad. Mike's speaking voice is somewhere between Kindergarten teacher and game show host.

Mike: If people commit suicide, how do they feel?

Faith: Sad.

Mike: Good. Where is that on the scale?

Faith: On the right side, where it says sad.

Mike: Good. And who commits suicide?

Nili: Depressed people.

Mike: Good. Who else?

Kenny: Muslim fundamentalists?

Mike: Umm... sure. Good.





Setting: Mike is subjecting us to another simulation where we are supposed to be a beginner’s level English class. He walks around the classroom with an over exaggerated smile, showing us the picture and asking us questions as if we are kindergarteners, still speaking in his Kindergarten-game show voice.

Mike: Who is this? Here in the picture; who is this? Right here, in the picture?

Jenna: J-Lo?

Mike: Gooood. J-Lo. And what’s she doing?

Dave: Licking the sky?

Mike: Oooh… close…what’s she eating?

Dave: Snowflakes. J-Lo’s eating snowflakes!

Mike: Goood… what else do we know about her?

Dave: Umm…she’s got a big ass.