The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Behold: the schwa. It is the most common sound in the English language. It is the sound we all often unknowingly use in the place of other vowels when speaking casually. It is the only letter in the phonetic chart cool enough to have a nickname. To some it might just be an upside down “e” but now the schwa has a cult following in Ban Phe, and it's spreading quickly. The leader of this surging Thai schwa cult, is the man who bears the mark of the beast on his forearm, none other than the one, the only, Sweaty Dave.

On account of Sweaty Dave and his henna soon-to-be-permanent tattoo, the schwa has transcended its definition as a phonetic sound and now encapsulates the zeitgeist of of September 2006, Ban Phe, Thailand, where 40 people came together in an attempt to become ESL teachers. The schwa is nothing, is everything, all at once. It is a mockery of a bush-league teacher and a faulty curriculum. It is the power of us, the students, to rebel against our teachings and enter the classroom without a rigid lesson plan. It is a memento of all the fun times had in the face of excruciatingly boring “teacher inputs.” It is also the encouragement that one can drink until the wee hours of the morning, pass out face down at the bar, and still make it to class the next morning bearing a genuine smile. It is the preparedness to always have a toothbrush in your shirt pocket because you never know where you'll end up, but you'll surely want to brush your teeth when you get there.

It's no accident that Sweaty Dave is the sole bearer of the schwa. He created the spirit of the schwa, the enjoyment —in place of what had been the frustration— with the shit show that was our TEFL course. Where we had previously bitched and moaned about dissapointments with the class (or about Mike, the head teacher, being a total prick), we instead learned to enjoy them. At first we were surprised that the course could be so poorly planned, that the lesson plans had to be adhered to so strictly, that the head teacher could be such an asshole. But then, with the humor of Sweaty Dave, we were able to accept the course and the teacher for what they were, and no longer sighed and complained about their ineptitude. Instead, we were able to smile at each moment that reinforced our shared dissatisfaction, and then laughed because, after all, that’s what the course was: a joke.

The schwa was a turning point. When Mike first presented us with the phonetic chart he introduced the schwa with the enthusiasm a Lit teacher would have had presenting their favorite book: a sincere yet dull excitement, unmatched by any of the students. But after we first rolled our eyes, the schwa grew into our greatest mockery, our best inside joke, and we were soon teaming with sarcastic love for the schwa.