Venus Fly Trap

The beauty of Thai women is truly extraordinary, but to “jeep sao” or to “flirt" does not come without some serious dangers. STDs aside, the great fear out here is that the woman you’re taking home isn’t, in fact, a woman. Around here the accepted third gender of ladyboys or katooeys are a complete enigma of gender and sexuality. If you were just wondering, Damn, who are those hot Thai chicks? in the picture here, then you just were checking out dudes. Welcome to Thailand.

I’ve unofficially decided there are two kinds of katooeys. First, there are katooeys who place themselves comfortably into the third gender of girly boys who wear make-up, carry a purse, and swing their arms around like little propellers when they run, even though they still wear men’s clothing (lady boy students wear the boy’s uniform and katooey teachers wear slacks and shirts, not dresses and skirts.)

The second type, I've decided, are the katooeys who dress and (over)act like girls. For them, it seems, the greatest compliment is to be mistaken for a beautiful woman. These pictures are case in point. At a glance they might look like women, but no my friend, these are men. (Well, actually, after doing a little reseach I have found out that all these katooeys are actually post-op. That is, they've had their angry inches cut off and now have "real" vaginas. I'm not about to say I know exactly what's going on in their pants, but what I do know is that each of their birth certificates said "Male" on them. Further, they do not claim to be women; all their websites proudly proclaim that they are ladyboys.) These are the katooeys that make playing the field in Thailand hazardous. They aim to deceive men and thus necessitate the otherwise ridiculous question, “so you really are a girl, right?”

There was a guy in my TEFL course that suddenly thought he was a hotshot when he could pick up any whore he liked at local go-go bars. (This seems to be common among sex tourist degenerates. Despite the fact they bought they girlfriend they act cocky about the "hot chick" they have their arm around.) This guy was the gossip of the whole course until one day he took home a girl that ended up having a dick and he freaked out. He dropped out of the course the next day and a couple days later, when I ran into him at the 7/11 he tried to play it cool and explained to me, “I’m just a little overwhelmed by the culture shock out here and need to take some time for myself.” Overwhelmed by shock was right. Nobody has heard of this guy since.

The first type of katooeys are great. They are my best students. They are never embarrassed to talk in front of the class and, for whatever reason, are highly motivated to learn English. I’d guess that the same girls in America who always wanted a gay friend just to have one, would also come to Thailand and want a katooey friend just to have one.

The second type of katooeys I don’t have a fair opinion of because I’ve never –knowingly- had a conversation with one, but now that I’ve been here for a while, can (usually) spot out the small differences between them and a “real” women. If you’re looking at the boobs or looking for a tuck, you’re falling into the trap. These sorts of things, and even Adam’s apples, can be fixed with surgery. The more subtle differences give the katooeys away. Big hands, predominate shoulders and big jaws always leave them looking slightly man-ish. You might be thinking: these katooeys in the pictures look like women to me. And well, I suppose you're right. But just remember these are the most beautiful katooeys out there. There's all different degrees of katooey and trust me when I say that there are more than a handful that walk around looking like a gender trainwreck.

I can’t say that I know the story of katooeys, but recently there has been a major event katooey history: the first katooey pop band. Think of the Spice Girls but with all lady boys. They are called Venus Fly Trap (pictured throughout this article) and they have some sort of not-so-witty reason for their name (I guess us men are stupid bugs who fall into their deadly trap?) . Each of them, like the Spice Girls, have donned special names: Amy Venus, Nok Sasha Venus, Bobo Venus, Taya Venus, and Gina Venus. They've just recently taken off around here and are starting to get some hype, even touring around with Tata Young.


The band has high expectations and I guess it’s hard to predict what will happen to this potential katooey sensation. Perhaps you can decide for yourself. Click above to see their release hit single “Visa for Love.” If that song title is some strange commentary on foreigners penchant for lady boys I’m not sure, but since Thailand is sadly notorious for sexual tourism, there’s more than a handful of falang who have gotten a visa for what they might define as "love." If you were wondering what I’m talking about with this “second kind” of katooey, this video will clear that up. The group seduces some guy who is just overwhelmed by their ladyboy sexuality. These katooeys play up their feminine sexuality and beg you to be in disbelief that they aren’t women.

At the end of the video the end up running down some hallways stripping off their clothes as the run away from this confused suitor. What is unclear to me is that if they actually took their entire top off and had their fake breasts out, would they have to be blurred out?

(If you need more I took all these pictures from their blog at http://ladeez-b.blogspot.com/)