New Thai Teachers

This is Lara and I with the head of the English Department at our new school, Rong Rian (school) Buakhao (white lotus.) As of last week I live in a small town in the middle of Isaan, the most old-fashioned, conservative, non-Bangkok part of Thailand. If you're looking on a map, its in the province of Kalasin and its next to another small place called Kuchinarai. My town is Buakhao.

There is one other falang in town besides Lara and I, Brenda from South Africa. The three of us teach conversational English to the school. Its a huge school though, over 2,500 students, and we each have nearly 1,000 students a piece. I teach for four hour-long classes a day, and I only see each of my classes once a week. If that sounds nearly impossible, that's because it is. I have been surprised at how much difference a single hour per week can make, but still, I think its just about exposure to native speakers. Many students already have a good grasp on grammar but their pronunciation (of the teachers as well) is often very poor. That is where we come in, teaching those difficult letters and sounds like s, ch, l, r, and w. Overall, I find the job quite relaxing, the kids are wonderful, and I love the town.

I'll write more about all of it soon, and have more pictures up as well, but for now I'm just jotting down these notes between classes on the school's pokey-slow internet.

Grung Tahyp

Here are just some classic Khao San Road pics from when I was staying there a little over a week ago. I have fallen way behind in the blog but already have this pics uploaded, so I'm just going to post them anyways. Being back in the same spot agtain in Bangkok is surreal though. Everything (borrowing the over-used phrase of Thai-English) is the same same. But different. Its all the same people selling the same shirts, the same 25 orange juices, the street pad thai, the cheap beers. The same little kids try to hustle you for 10 baht, though now they're looking a little old to be combing the streets for money. The same tuk-tuk drivers are still trying to scam people and take them to ping pong shows.

Still, other things are different. Some new music plays from behind the pirated CD stands (though Jack Johnson will forever be a favorite.) And entire new swarm of backpackers has taken over the road, will use Khao San as a starting point to travel all over South East Asia. Since everything else is the same, I half expect to see the same people I've always seen on the road, having a cold Beer Singh on the curb, watching the chaos stroll by.

The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Behold: the schwa. It is the most common sound in the English language. It is the sound we all often unknowingly use in the place of other vowels when speaking casually. It is the only letter in the phonetic chart cool enough to have a nickname. To some it might just be an upside down “e” but now the schwa has a cult following in Ban Phe, and it's spreading quickly. The leader of this surging Thai schwa cult, is the man who bears the mark of the beast on his forearm, none other than the one, the only, Sweaty Dave.

On account of Sweaty Dave and his henna soon-to-be-permanent tattoo, the schwa has transcended its definition as a phonetic sound and now encapsulates the zeitgeist of of September 2006, Ban Phe, Thailand, where 40 people came together in an attempt to become ESL teachers. The schwa is nothing, is everything, all at once. It is a mockery of a bush-league teacher and a faulty curriculum. It is the power of us, the students, to rebel against our teachings and enter the classroom without a rigid lesson plan. It is a memento of all the fun times had in the face of excruciatingly boring “teacher inputs.” It is also the encouragement that one can drink until the wee hours of the morning, pass out face down at the bar, and still make it to class the next morning bearing a genuine smile. It is the preparedness to always have a toothbrush in your shirt pocket because you never know where you'll end up, but you'll surely want to brush your teeth when you get there.

It's no accident that Sweaty Dave is the sole bearer of the schwa. He created the spirit of the schwa, the enjoyment —in place of what had been the frustration— with the shit show that was our TEFL course. Where we had previously bitched and moaned about dissapointments with the class (or about Mike, the head teacher, being a total prick), we instead learned to enjoy them. At first we were surprised that the course could be so poorly planned, that the lesson plans had to be adhered to so strictly, that the head teacher could be such an asshole. But then, with the humor of Sweaty Dave, we were able to accept the course and the teacher for what they were, and no longer sighed and complained about their ineptitude. Instead, we were able to smile at each moment that reinforced our shared dissatisfaction, and then laughed because, after all, that’s what the course was: a joke.

The schwa was a turning point. When Mike first presented us with the phonetic chart he introduced the schwa with the enthusiasm a Lit teacher would have had presenting their favorite book: a sincere yet dull excitement, unmatched by any of the students. But after we first rolled our eyes, the schwa grew into our greatest mockery, our best inside joke, and we were soon teaming with sarcastic love for the schwa.

Thai "Dogs"

First, please let me appologize for these horrific pictures. I know they're disgusting, but perhaps that's part of their charm. Or that's part of why you must see them. It's not all mangoes and sticky rice in Thailand. Like any country it has its problems and one that is particularily bad in Ban Phe is stray dogs. And these dogs are hardly even dogs; these diseased, mangled creatures defy death and carry on living their sad lives despite the laws of nature.

This has been something I've always struggled with in Thailand and have always wondered why something isn't done about it. The Thais never seem to mind the dogs, or, at least they don't mind shoo-ing them away. But none are ever neutered and they just keep humping. Its crazy becuase it seems like the only healthy part of these dogs is their balls.


I'm not sure this is accurate, but it's how I come to terms with the zombie dog phenomena: this is a Buddhist country and everyone believes in reincarnation. Though some people do, good Buddhists never kill animals; even monks brush mosquitos off their arms instead of splatting them. Thus, I think, the dogs are not killed because of the Buddhism and further, perhaps these disgusting dogs are the worst people of the last generation. All of those people who really were assholes in their past lives are now paying the price. The murderers, rapists, or other "evil-doers" of the past are now subject to the lowest rung of the reincarnation hierarchy: the life of a Thai dog.



So now when I see this dogs, I don't feel sorry for them, I pick up a rock and I say, "Hey buddy, don't blame me for this one. You brought this upon yourself." After all, these aren't just diseased dogs, they are Pol Pot or Jeffery Dahmer or perhaps one of the 9/11 hijackers.


So let this be a lesson to us all: be good to your fellow man, take care of those less fortunate of you, if for no better reason than because the hell you could receive in retribution for an evil life could be the life of a Thai dog.

Bowling For Baht

Every once in a while, all the way out here on the other side of the world, there are times when I forget I'm in thailand. It's not often, just here and there when I'm doing something Western that I dont associate with Thailand. A couple hours of bowling in Rayong was just one of those times, and I didn't remember I was outside the US until I returned my hot rental shoes and they shoe lady didn't speak English. Along with my shoes, cold beer and big florescent balls made it a classic night out on the town.


My amazing Thai bowling shoes. Almost had to steal them, but thought better of it in a country ruled by Karma.

Our Balls.

Ready for a strike.


Sweaty Dave taking time between beers to huck his ball down the lane.


Este using body language to help her game.


Me doing the same.


Sheila (Texas), Genvieve (Montreal) and Faith (Colorado)